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用相声自我介绍

2022-06-04 08:47:20 收藏本文下载本文

“柠檬鱼头”通过精心收集，向本站投稿了14篇用相声自我介绍，下面是小编收集整理后的用相声自我介绍，仅供参考，希望能够帮助到大家。

用相声自我介绍

篇1：相声

作者：宋书琴

甲才几天时间不见，你可出息了不少啊！

乙哪有你这么打招呼的，我怎么这么几天就长出息了？

甲嗨！今年不是猪年嘛！猪年人人都出息的快啊！

乙这是什么逻辑啊！

甲这是我二大爷的逻辑啊！

乙你二大爷？

甲对！就是那个整天想干点事业又干不成，最后一心想当校长的那个二大爷；

乙啊！我见过！我见过，咱那个二大爷还和我说过他这一辈子最喜欢的职业就是教育事业，最羡慕的就是当校长的，自己最大的愿望就是要办所学校，最近他怎么样？

甲要说我这个二大爷啊！总是觉得他这辈子怀才不遇，没有赶上好机会，见谁都诉苦，见谁都说他的远大理想，这不，连你都知道了；

乙不光我知道啊！好多人都知道呢；

甲前天，他一蹦仨高儿的来找我了；

乙找你还说这事儿？

甲他说“小子！我的机会来了！”我一听他说机会来了，就知道他又在说那办学的事儿了，就有一打无一打的应酬着他，可一看他那眉飞色舞的兴奋劲儿啊！你还别说，他弄的就跟真事儿似的；

乙那你就赶紧听听吧，听听咱二大爷找到了一个什么好机会；

甲是啊！我就赶紧沏上茶倒上水点上烟，我说“二大爷，您说的这个机会是------”还没等我说完呢，他就自己说开了；

乙快说给我听听，咱这个二大爷就是个爽快人！

甲他说“小子！”

乙哎！------嗨！和我有什么关系！

甲他说“小子！”

乙哎！------我这是怎么了，哎，我说你别净捡便宜啊！

甲二大爷说啊！你看我这么些年没干别的，专门研究这天干地支，子丑寅卯，天旋地转，十二个属相啦！

乙咱这二大爷学问还不浅呢，可听着怎么有点像算命的呢；

甲真还差不多，咱二大爷说啊，小子！你看我这么多年研究的人也老了腰也弯了，把其他的雄心壮志也都弯没了，就剩下那个死不瞑目的夙愿了，你说我能不用点心思研究吗？我剩下的时间也不多了，就像那洋蜡头似的越来越短了，你说我突然发现我的机会来了，能不抓住吗？小子！

乙抓啊！一定得抓住！不是有个名人曾经说过吗，机会是和你脸儿对脸儿跑的，到你眼前就要手疾眼快抓住它，你抓不住，它就和你擦肩而过，没了！

甲是啊！我也是这么想的，于是就又点烟又倒茶的鼓励他继续说下去；

乙你倒是说啊！

甲（不说话）

乙你倒是说不说，不说我开枪了！

甲你怎么出息成了铁道游击队了！我说还不行吗？

乙这不就行了；

甲咱二大爷说“小子！”

乙哎！------我说你把这“小子！”俩字省略了不行吗？

甲好吧，就省了吧，咱二大爷说，我研究十啦多年了，今年的机会最好啊！

乙今年可是猪年啊，什么年我都不上心，就是猪年我记着，我就是属猪的；

甲二大爷说（刚要说小子就又打住了）我呀，为了办学，把这十二属都研究透了，你说这虎年吧，那是英雄虎胆，应该办军事院校，好培养战斗英雄啊！专业性太强，咱办不了啊！这龙年吧，那更专业；

乙什么专业？

甲俩专业呢，一是培养飞行员的年头，不是说龙飞凤舞嘛，一是培养水利专家的年头，不是说龙能呼风唤雨嘛，这俩专业咱行吗？

乙这不行，太专业了；

甲这蛇年是出美女的年头，要办就得办模特学校，艺术学校，培养电影电视明星的学校；

乙就是培养漂亮演员的学校，这可不错呀！

甲不行啊！

乙（俩个人一起说）这太专业了！

甲转眼就是马年羊年外加牛年，那都是种田的专业；

乙没错！牛马年好种田嘛；

甲咱二大爷说他一辈子也没和土地打过交道，一寻思也不行；

乙那就是猴年了，该办什么了？

甲别说这猴年可是更不一般啊，你没听说“金猴奋起千均棒，不打好人打妖怪！”

乙是有这么回事！

甲这打坏人的事儿咱老百姓虽说也是应该应份的，可终究是业余的，人家公检法才是专业的呢，你说咱们业余的要办一个培养公检法人才的学校，那可是------

乙太专业了！

甲鸡年就更没有办法了！

乙鸡年能干什么？

甲咱二大爷说呀，这鸡年是培养歌唱家的年头，你看那鸡都是早晨起来就扯着脖子猛喊“唱歌啦！唱歌啦！”（学打鸣的节奏）

乙别叫了，人家还以为你要下蛋呢！

甲狗年可算盼到了，咱二大爷考虑了大半年也没想出个辙来，你说这狗年能培养什么呢？

乙狗是人类的朋友啊，它嗅觉灵敏，记忆力强，忠厚可靠，气质高雅，落落大方，美丽------

甲对了，你算把狗的优点特点兴奋点都说出来了，可我听着怎么越来越不像在说狗呢？

乙因为我媳妇是属狗的！

甲咱二大爷也想到了狗的这些优点和特长，他说别小看了这些朋友啊，它们可是在海关检查，缉私查毒，边防守卫，看家护院，私人保镖------都起到了关键的作用啊；

乙怎么越说职务越小啊？

甲别光看见狗在守边防能起到非常重要的作用，它在个人家庭中也能同样起着重要的作用，而且它从不计较自己的职务大小地位高低------

乙对呀，狗是比你强，你去年因为没提上正科级不是还生气闹情绪了吗？

甲提那茬干嘛呀！我是不如狗-----啊！咱二大爷说，这狗年最适合办一个犬类训练学校，至少也要办一个宠物学校；

乙这回不训练人了，改训练狗了；

甲可想来想去，想了大半年，还是觉得------

乙（一起说）太专业了！

甲这回好了！这不是猪年一开始，咱二大爷就打算好了，要正式开始办学了！

乙猪年能办什么学校啊，猪有什么特长啊？（看自己的全身）

甲你没想到吧，你是想不到的，你使劲想也想不到的！

乙（使劲想，摸自己的全身，包括鼻子嘴手等）快说出来让我听听！

甲办胖子学校！

乙什么？胖子学校？哈哈！别开国际玩笑了，这算什么学校啊！现如今减肥是时尚，年轻人瘦的皮包骨才叫美呢，稍微不小心就会发胖，谁还花钱瞎耽误工夫上你那里专门学怎样长胖，快打住吧！你以为我是范伟呢，一忽悠就信你的！哼！

甲嗨！嗨！猪脑子了不是！咱二大爷办的就是专门培养胖子的学校，咱二大爷不但想到了而且还做到了！

乙真的？这可是够冷门的啊！

甲就是嘛，现在干什么不都是人无我有，人有我奇，讲究的就是偏、冷、怪嘛！

乙这叫什么讲究啊！

甲咱二大爷说干就干，招生广告往大门口这么一贴，立刻就围过来一群人观看；

乙贴哪啦？我也想去看看写的什么；

甲上面写着：本校是十年一贯制，就是说从入校到毕业要十年时间；

乙可是不短啊！

甲本校学生十年后要参加世界胖子大赛，凡是能达到参赛标准的学生，学校将免收在校十年时间的一切费用，凡是在大赛中获奖的可得到一千万元的奖励！那可是美金啊！

乙天哪！快说说都什么条件！

甲招生十名，男女不限，属猪的优先！

乙我还有点希望；

甲不要你这么大的猪，是要十二岁以下的那个猪；

乙是小猪；

甲要求自身体重超标的，愿意吃肉食不喜欢运动的，愿意吃甜食喝饮料不喜欢蔬菜粗粮的，愿意一天二十四小时一动也不动的懒在沙发里或躺在床上的，不喜欢称体重不喜欢照镜子的；

乙这些条件我都够格！

甲还别说，当时就有来报名的，也有跟着看热闹的，呼啦呼啦的.一大群呢！

乙不是说就要十名吗？

甲初试、复试、再复试，胖中选胖，优中选优，最后选中了前十名；

乙真不容易啊！上学难，上胖子学校更难！

甲选上了的第一件事就是改名；

乙改名？

甲把原来在家里叫的什么小龙小凤小花小叶的通通的忘掉，必须叫学校里给起好的艺名；

乙这和培养胖子有关系吗？

甲有啊！咱二大爷说，要从思想上灵魂上时时刻刻提醒他们要努力做个胖子，做个世界级的胖子，这也是为他们将来成了名人提前做准备的，你看那些名腕们不都是用艺名吗？

乙啊！那是，咱二大爷都给他们起了什么好听的名字？

甲一个叫团圆圆，一个叫扁圆圆，一个叫横圆圆；

乙都够这个的了，（双手在腰那里比划圆的程度）

甲还有一个女孩儿的名字最好听，叫最佳圆子；

乙听着像个日本名字呢！

甲这些孩子入学以后，咱二大爷每天对他们要求的非常严格，让他们在执行学校制定的各项规章制度上不能有一丝一毫的差错；

乙那么小的孩子那么严格的制度，万一违规了呢？

甲绝对不允许有万一，出现万一就必得重罚！

乙怎么重罚啊？

甲比如说，学校规定一天八餐必须以肥肉为主食，不许吃蔬菜；

乙这多香啊！

甲有一天，团圆圆吃的有点腻住了，就偷着跑到厨房去，在门口捡了根韭菜叶儿，忙吃了一小口儿，这个香啊！

乙一根韭菜叶够塞牙缝的嘛！

甲刚要吃第二口，恰巧让咱二大爷给看见了，这可是绝对的违纪行为；

乙那------

甲重罚！决不手软；

乙怎么罚？让他的父母来交钱吧，一根韭菜叶儿能值几个钱？

甲决不罚钱！

乙那叫什么重罚呀！全世界的重罚都以罚钱为主！

甲这里就不是，咱二大爷叫团圆圆去伙房端来八大碗肥肉，当着全校同学的面一口气吃下去，并且保证以后绝对不再吃蔬菜了；

乙怎么听着跟奖励差不多，可这八大碗肥肉一口气吃------吃------吃不下去------

甲还有一次，扁圆圆也违规了；

乙他也吃韭菜了吗？

甲比那好点，学校规定他们每天必须在床上躺二十二个小时，只有两个小时是搞个人卫生的时间，必须分成四次进行，绝对不能随意下地走动；

乙怎么连运动运动也不行啊！

甲运动！在胖子学校里压根就没有运动这一词！

乙光躺在床上多舒服啊！

甲是舒服啊！你整天二十二个小时躺着不动试试，这扁圆圆躺着躺着有点不耐烦了，就偷着坐了起来，刚要下地穿鞋，叫咱二大爷看见了；

乙这也算违规啊！

甲当然算啦！

乙嗨！（俩人一起说：必须重罚！？甲的声音重、乙是疑问的声音）

甲罚他在床上连续躺四十八小时不许翻身；

乙好吃不如饺子，自在不如倒着，这不让翻身可------可太难受了！

甲最有意思的规定是必须喝饮料，还必须是喝甜的、碳酸的带汽儿的那种，决不许喝白开水；

乙多好喝啊！又爽口又痛快！我都谗了！

甲最佳圆子有一天觉着嘴里没味儿，吃什么都是甜腻腻的，嘴里发粘，舌头也又厚又沉，看见食堂餐桌上有半小瓶儿不知哪位服务员喝剩下的矿泉水，就悄悄的拿起来喝了一小口儿；

乙正好让咱二大爷看见了！

甲你怎么知道了呢？我还没说到这里呢！

乙肯定是让咱二大爷看见了，别人看见了也得装没看见，这些孩子也太------

甲是不是身在福中不知福啦？

乙不------是太痛苦了！哎！怎么每次一有违规的事，马上就能让咱二大爷看见呢？

甲他不是在学校的各个地方都装着监视器呢嘛！

乙这回是女孩子，能不能罚的轻点啊！

甲你说什么呢啊！女孩子怎么啦，培养一个女子世界冠军容易吗？绝对不能允许平时放松警惕啊！你今天对她放松一点，她明天的冠军就会被别人拿走；

乙这事还真挺重要的！

甲所以这回的重罚也是必须的；

乙罚吧！谁让咱犯错误了呢！这回咋罚啊，是吃肥肉啊，还是睡觉啊！

甲不罚吃肥肉，也不罚睡觉，咱二大爷说了，从哪儿跌倒了就必须要从哪儿爬起来，这回是喝水喝错了，所以罚的也是喝水；

乙还算讲理啊！喝吧，喝水谁不会呀，我一次能喝两暖瓶呢！

甲那算啥呀，你喝的是茶水，咱二大爷罚她喝的是饮料；

乙那不是喝的更痛快嘛！

甲痛快你来试试，这么大瓶的可乐（用手比划最大瓶的）这么大瓶的雪碧，这么大瓶的橙汁，一样十桶，一口气喝完，你行吗？

乙啊！你在这灌水鳖呢！

甲咱二大爷就是用这些不近人情的规定，不讲情面的重罚，把这些孩子培养的个儿顶个儿的有出息呀！

乙肯定得有出息，比我是出息多了！

甲这回你算说对了！他们个个都是皮毛一体滚瓜溜圆，有的团圆，有的扁圆，有的横圆；

乙跟他们的艺名还真挺相配的呢！

甲你猜猜看十年以后，他们能长成什么样子呢？

乙十年------十年------这样的学习生活下来，那肯定是------（双手比划胖）

甲这个团圆圆啊，就像个大皮球似的，肚子圆圆的自己看不见腿，更看不着脚，这个扁圆圆啊，十年了，往高了基本没长，光往扁了长，腰粗的就像最大号的水缸（也可说成拍子缸）一圈能有三米挂零吧，这横圆圆的模样最好看，就像刚出锅的大馒头被一下子拍扁了一样，喧腾腾的直冒热气儿；

乙真是工夫不负有心人啊！哎，还有那位叫日本名字的美女呢？她长什么样了？

甲你还没忘那个女孩儿啊！她可是比以前的回头率高多了！

乙那肯定是够漂亮的了，快说说她到底有多漂亮，我也想看看她；

甲那个最佳圆子啊，那个美啊，美的那个艺术啊！

乙怎么个艺术啊？

甲她的全身都是用圆和圆组装成的；

乙组装的？听着怎么有点慎的慌呢；

甲我那是形容，不是谁给她组合的，是她按照咱二大爷的培训方案自己长的；

乙这么说我就不害怕了；

甲我说她的全身都是圆的，你看，她的头是圆的，身子是圆的，十八九岁的妙龄女郎，人称花季少女的时候，她用圆胳膊圆腿在怀里使劲抱着两个篮球；

乙不是规定了不能参加体育运动嘛！怎么还抱两个篮球啊！

甲你真是个猪脑子，我是形容的她抱俩球儿，她不抱能行吗？

乙嗨！我怎么就忘了她是女郎了！我得离近点儿看看她！

甲你不能往前走了，就得离远了看，才能看出来艺术效果；

乙（想往前去，听甲这么一说，又退回来几步）这么远行吗？

甲行吧，你看吧，正对面的那个淡蓝色的就是！

乙（用手搭遮阳棚）你别逗我了，哪有啊？

甲就是那个在超市门前的淡蓝色的------

乙那个啊！我早就看见了，那不是人家商场要开业，用气球吹起来的kt猫吗？

甲这么说你不但眼神没毛病，你的艺术欣赏水平还不低呢！怎么样？她漂亮吧？

乙模样还真挺不错的！

甲终于熬到十年了，世界胖子大赛就要开始了！

乙十年一度的大赛啊，费了十年的心血啊，就看这站在磅秤上的一分钟了，真是台上一分钟台下十年工啊！

甲没错！比赛就要开始了，组委会要求参赛选手自己走上称重台；

乙这事是要求选手们亲自去做的，称的就是他们的体重嘛；

甲你说的轻巧，这个无理要求对你可能不算什么，对参赛选手来讲就太苛刻了；

乙怎么说呢？

甲这段距离不近啊！

乙有多远啊？

甲差不多有二十米吧！

乙啊！这还算距离啊！

甲你忘了，他们平时一天都走不上十步八步的，走多了就要挨罚的；

乙是被罚怕了！

甲二十米对于他们来讲就是太长的距离了，比万里长征还遥远啊，让他们一下子走这么远的路，这简直太难了；

乙难于上青天！

甲最主要的是称重台子还有三个台阶呢，这叫三蹬啊！他们怎么能上得去啊！

乙三个台阶（伸三个手指头）

甲团圆圆第一个往称重台走，刚走到第十步就喘的上气不接下气，大汗淋漓；

乙十步可是他的运动极限；

甲扁圆圆咬着牙好歹的比团圆圆多走了三四步，就一屁股坐地上了；

乙歇会儿再走吧；

甲歇会儿就来麻烦了；

乙怎么了？

甲歇了一会儿，等再想往前走的时候，他怎么起也起不来了，咱二大爷忙去顾了十几个做装卸工的大小伙子喊着号子一齐用劲往起周，才算把扁圆圆弄起来；那个横圆圆就不乐观了，他看前两个战友都倒下了，这回该看我的了，沧海横流方显出英雄本色，前仆后继，革命自有后来人，我要冲上去，冠军非我横圆圆莫属！他这一激动不要紧，脚下立时就乱套了，结果，一步还没走呢，就倒了；

乙摔倒了！

甲他这一倒可不要紧，把咱二大爷可吓坏了也乐坏了；

乙这是什么话啊，先说说怎么吓坏了；

甲你想啊，刚才扁圆圆摔倒时，咱二大爷花高价钱顾了十多个装卸工才周起来，人家都说就这么一会儿活比装一天火车都累，这回再去顾人家帮忙周横圆圆，咱二大爷估计花多少钱人家也不会来了，所以咱二大爷吓坏了；

乙那怎么又乐坏了呢？

甲他这一倒不要紧，是趴着倒下的，他是中间太粗两头细，手脚乱蹬乱划拉就是够不着地儿，看见他这个滑稽的样子，你说咱二大爷能不乐嘛；

乙是够搞笑的，那也不能光乐呀，得赶快周啊！

甲是啊！人都围过来了，瞅着干着急啊！

乙还不快点啊，瞅着干嘛？

甲这不是不知道周哪头嘛！

乙那个女的呢？她没事吧；

甲你怎么总惦记她呀！

乙瞧你说的，前几个都倒下了，也没别人可惦记的了；

甲对女士嘛，组委会给了优惠政策，也是咱二大爷看了前三个选手的情况，临时做的决定，给最佳圆子派了个车，拉她去称重台；

乙这还挺好的；

甲好什么呀！更糟糕了！

乙怎么会呢！

甲好不容易把最佳圆子用吊车放到车斗里，车走不动了；

乙咋啦？

甲车胎爆了！

乙嗨！

甲你说咱二大爷这个急呀！

乙十年的心血啊，能就这样付之东流了吗？

甲最后还是几个黄头发的外国人叽哩呱啦的说了一大堆什么，组委会才临时改了比赛规矩，把称重用的磅秤从台子上挪下来，就近给他们称了体重；

乙这外国人还挺有同情心的呢，早这样做不是早就好了嘛！

甲人家大赛十年举办一次，多少次了都是雷打不动的规矩，这次是他们看见咱二大爷培养的参赛选手太优秀了，只因为上不了称重台放弃比赛，那不是太遗憾了嘛，所以，刚才他们叽哩呱啦的就是说这个呢；

乙称了吗？

甲称了；

乙快告诉我结果如何啊？

甲且听下回分解；

乙哎呀，你可别卖关子了，都折腾十年了，要的不就是个结果吗？

甲最后的比赛结果是：冠军、亚军、季军全部让咱二大爷的胖子学校拿到手了！

乙大满惯了！太好了！（拍手）

甲是啊！咱二大爷也是从心里往外乐啊！得了大奖一定要好好的庆祝一下；

乙对呗！这回真得好好的庆祝一下，请上所有的亲朋好友们撮一顿！

甲咱二大爷可忙坏了，准备了十桌吃喝！足足用了二十头猪的原材料，还有奶油、白糖、光是喝的饮料就用卡车往里运了三天；

乙谁能吃得了这么些啊！

甲这不是表达了咱二大爷的兴奋心情嘛！

乙啥时候开餐啊！告诉我一声！

甲到了开餐的那天，按照请柬上的预定时间马上要宣布庆功宴会开始的时候，咱二大爷发现不对劲儿啦！

乙又怎么了？

甲整个餐厅里除了他自己是活的以外，其余的十张桌子上摆着的都是猪肉！

乙来宾呢？

甲一个也没有来啊！

乙都干什么去了？

甲都忙着去医院治疗心脑血管病糖尿病肥胖病去了；

乙别忘了告诉他们今年可是猪年啊！千万别去减肥啊！

甲猪年就得胖啊！你这是什么逻辑！

乙这不是我的逻辑，这是咱二大爷的逻辑！

甲嗨！

宋书琴

篇2：相声

相声

甲：各位来宾朋友们大家好

乙：我们两个给大家拜个早年

甲：祝大家在新的一年里万事如意心想事成！

乙：上来说这么热闹。你最近忙什么呢？

甲：我在研究去医院看病的问题

乙：去医院看病能有什么问题？

甲：那问题可就大了

乙：是吗？你给大伙说说

甲：你就说前两天吧，我感冒了要去医院打针，到了注射室看到看到一个护士正在织毛衣。我叫了声：大夫我打针

乙：（做治毛衣状，不理甲）

甲：（大声）大夫我打针

乙：（双手捂耳朵）叫什么叫听见了，干吗那么大声音，小时候放过驴呀？

甲：这叫怎么说话呢？

乙：我怎么说话呀？你来就来了，又不是从耗子从洞里爬出来，叫那么大声干啥？

甲：怕您老人家没听见

乙：怎么说话呢？谁是老人家？本小姐还年轻着呢，今年才38，至今未婚。

甲：我的妈呀，就这还年轻？要是在家年轻点就变老妖精了。

乙：（嗲声嗲气嗲的用拳头打甲）你好讨厌，到底打不打针了？

甲：好好，对不起我打针

乙：（现假装装药然后）对甲：过来趴下

（甲走过去装着趴下去的样子）把裤子脱下来（甲做全部脱裤子的样子，已转过身装作拿药棉，然后转过来看见甲的样子，十分生气的说）

乙：唉哟，你干吗呀你耍流氓是不是？快穿上

甲：谁耍流氓了？不是你让我脱的吗

乙：我让你脱完了吗？以前没打过针吗？把殿部露出来就行

甲：大夫那不叫殿部？那叫臀部，也叫屁股。

乙：说什么呢？不许说脏话。我知道那叫臀部说不来怕你不懂

甲：谁不懂啊

（然后乙以冲刺的样子给甲打针，拔针的时候两手握针用脚踹甲一个狗吃屎）

乙：好了起来吧

甲：你说这样的服务态度你能受得了吗？

乙：那是受不了。

甲：我认为医生以救死扶伤为己任，对待病人应该像对待自己的亲人一样。热情、耐心、周到！

乙：这话说得对

甲：所以我想医生应该向央视主持人学一下。

乙：哦这倒是个新鲜的话题

甲：你看央视节目主持人主持节目的时候拿态度多好。慢声慢语、娓娓道来、和蔼可亲！

乙：是吗？

甲：你比如说医生看病都像王小丫、李勇、倪萍、韩乔生、鞠萍主持节目那样对待病人那多好。

乙：那能行吗？

甲：我觉得可以，不幸咱试试

乙：怎么试？

甲：我当医生你当病人，我分别用他们各自的'主持风格为你看病怎么样？观众朋友们说好不好？

乙：既然观众中朋友们都同意了那咱就试试？先从王小丫开始吧

甲：好。现在一位遇车祸生命危在旦夕的人被抬进急救室，王小丫大夫冲进手术室，关切的问伤者：“你知道你伤在哪儿了吗？”

乙：（吃力的摇摇头）不知道

甲：“给你三个备选答案吧！a肋骨断裂b）胸腔大面积出血c）颅内出血！”

乙：（咬了咬牙看着甲痛苦的样子）“a”

甲：（迷人一笑做王小丫的经典动作）“你确定吗？你还可以打一个求助电话，你们的交流时间只有30秒”

乙：爸，我不行了，快换医院……

甲：你看这多好

乙：这还好呢？那李咏会怎么样呢？

甲：李勇大夫冲进手术室，看了一下病情，然后对所有护士说到：现在病人需要过，幸~运~第~一~关”，接着一个直拳击向伤者面门。然后你再看病人

乙：好了？

甲：死了！

乙：啊！给打死了！那倪萍呢？

甲：还是人家倪大妈态度好，你看很简单一件事人家能煽呼的全体观众眼泪哗哗的，

乙：好家伙，我以为发大水呢

甲：倪大妈以最快的速度冲进手术室，以最快的速度从眼中流下两行液体，对全体护士动情的说：“其实……他（指患者）已经离开家在外面漂泊了2个多小时了，他是多么的想家呀，多么的想他的母亲那，多想抱抱他那未满月的孩子呀，但是现在……”（擦了擦眼泪接对病人）“请您对家里的亲人说上一句话吧！表达一下此时此刻的心情！”

乙：（哭着从口袋里掏出一块钱）请把这….做为…我最后..一次..党费！（说完头一歪死了）

甲：你还别说要说干脆利索谁也比不上人家韩大嘴，

乙：哪个韩大嘴？

甲：韩乔生啊。要说人家韩大嘴那是真不含糊。飞一样冲进手术室，对全体护士说道：“这位病人被一辆奥迪a6以迅雷不及掩耳盗铃之势所撞倒，具体受伤位置是头部……哦，不对，是脚部，哦，对不起应该是肚子破了……”,

乙：“韩大夫，他的胸口在流血耶

甲：“病人的身高1.75cm;体重大约180公斤；

乙：有这样的人吗？

甲：你看这位病人虽然肚子破了，胸口还在像喷泉一样流着鲜红血液，真可谓一颗红心，两小无猜，飞流直下三千尺，大珠小珠落玉盘

乙：这都什么乱七八糟的，真不愧韩大嘴满嘴能跑火车

乙：“俺命咋恁苦哩！连打麻药都得俺自己动手”。

甲：要说这里面俺最佩服的是人家鞠萍姐姐

乙：噢鞠萍姐姐会怎么样呢？

甲：鞠萍飘然走进手术室，对护士们说：“全体护士小朋友请注意，这就是受伤的患者，圆圆的并在流血的是脑袋，还有大衣里面正在流血的是肚子，这些白花花在外面挂着的是下水，你们知道他为什么和平时不一样吗？

乙：为什么呀？

甲：那是因为他被汽车撵过去了

乙：这部废话吗？快救人呐

甲：鞠大夫赶紧叫一位护士主动上去缝合伤口，然后对她微微一笑：“小红，你的蝴蝶结扎的真好”。

乙：（痛苦的样子，用儿童的声音说）鞠萍姐姐那不是蝴蝶结

甲：病人小朋友那是什么呀？

乙：那是俺的肠子！

（完毕！甲乙鞠躬下台）

篇3：相声

相声（Crosstalk）一种民间说唱曲艺。中国相声有三大发源地：北京天桥、天津劝业场和南京夫子庙，相声艺术源于华北，流行于京津冀，普及于全国及海内外，始于明清，盛于当代。主要采用口头方式表演。表演形式有单口相声、对口相声、群口相声等。是扎根于民间、源于生活、又深受群众欢迎的曲艺表演艺术形式。相声鼻祖为张三禄，著名流派有“侯（宝林）派”、“马（三立）派”、“常（宝遥┡伞薄“苏（文茂）派”、“马（季）派”等。著名表演大师有侯宝林、马三立、常宝摇⑺瘴拿、马季等多人。二十世纪晚期，以侯宝林为首的一代相声大师相继陨落，相声事业陷入低谷。起，凭借在网络视频网站等新兴媒体的传播，相声演员郭德纲及其德云社异军突起，使公众重新关注相声这一艺术门类，实现了相声的二次复兴。总而言之，相声在内容上是喜剧艺术，在形式上则是对话的艺术。相声在内容和形式上的这两大特点，并不是彼此孤立、互不相干的，而是相...

目录汉语词语详细解释曲艺名词沿革汉语词语

英文翻译：crosstalk或comic cross-talk，TALK SHOW脱口秀，或CHINESE COMIC DIALOGUE。相声有三大发源地：北京天桥、天津劝业场和南京夫子庙，一般认为于清咸丰、同治年间形成。是以说笑话或滑稽问答引起观众发笑的曲艺形式。它是由宋代的“像生”演变而来的。到了晚清年代，相声就形成了现代的特色和风格。主要用北京话讲，各地也有以当地方言说的“方言相声”。在相声形成过程中广泛吸取口技、说书等艺术之长，寓庄于谐，以讽刺笑料表现真善美，以引人发笑为艺术特点，以“说、学、逗、唱”为主要艺术手段。表演形式有单口、对口、群口三种。单口相声由一个演员表演，讲述笑话；对口相声由两个演员一捧一逗，通常又有“一头沉”和“子母哏”两类；群口相声又叫“群活”，由三个以上演员表演。传统曲目以讽刺旧社会各种丑恶现象和通过诙谐的叙述反映各种生活现象为主，解放后除继续发扬讽刺传统外，也有歌颂新人新事的作品。传统曲目有《关公战秦琼》、《戏剧与方言》、《贾行家》、《扒马褂》等，总数在两百个以上。反映现实生活的作品则以《夜行记》、《买猴》、《昨天》、《帽子工厂》等影响较大。【词目】相声【拼音】xiàng sheng 【解释】用笑话、滑稽地问答、说唱等引起观众发笑的一种曲艺形式。

详细解释

曲艺的一种，用笑话、滑稽问答、说唱等引起观众发笑。多用于讽刺，现也用来歌颂新人新事。按人数分对口相声、单口相声、群口相声、相声剧。英语单词：Crosstalk. “cross-talk cross talk”不是“相声”的标准说法标准“相声”应该是“comic dialogue, Chinese comic dialogue”，因为cross-talk类似脱口秀。但中国大多数汉英词典二者皆收录，但其中多数以“comic dialogue”为第一选择，以权威《新时代汉英大词典》（吴景荣程镇球主编外研社）为例

曲艺名词

英文翻译crosstalk或comic cross-talk，TALKSHOW脱口秀，或CHINESE COMIC DIALOUGE，曲艺形式之一，用诙谐的说话，尖酸、讥讽的嘲弄，以达到惹人“捧腹大笑”而娱人的目的。它最早形式是由“俳优”这种杂戏派生出来的，在这些笑料中，艺人们往往寄托了对统治者的嘲弄和鞭挞。

沿革

早期发展相声一词，古作象声，原指摹拟别人，又称隔壁相声。经华北地区民间说唱曲艺进一步演化发展，并融入了由摹拟口技等曲艺形式而形成，一般认为于清咸丰、同治年间形成。以说笑话或滑稽问答引起观众发笑的'曲艺形式。至民国初年，象声逐渐从一个人摹拟口技发展为单口笑话，名称随之转变为相声。后逐步发展为单口相声、对口相声、群口相声，综合成为名副其实的相声。经过多年发展，对口相声最终成为最受观众喜爱的相声形式。晚清年间，相声就形成了现代的特色和风格。主要用北京话，各地也有“方言相声”。相声形成过程中广泛吸取口技、说书等艺术之长，寓庄于谐，以讽刺笑料表现真善美，以引人发笑为艺术特点；以“说、学、逗、唱”为主要艺术手段。早期代表人物张三禄是目前见于文字记载最早的相声艺人。根据相关记载并推测：张三禄本是八角鼓丑角艺人，后改说相声。他的艺术生涯始于清朝道光年间。在《随缘乐》子弟书中说：“学相声好似还魂张三禄，铜骡子于三胜到像活的一样。” 朱绍文（1829―1904）相声界祖师爷。艺名穷不怕，汉军旗人，祖籍浙江绍兴。他演出时打击节拍的竹板上刻着“满腹文章穷不怕，五车书史落地贫”的字句。抗日战争时期，一些相声演员表现出民族气节。常宝以经两次因为讽刺日治政府而被捕，张寿臣公开赞扬吉鸿昌等人的抗日，批评当局不抵抗政策；也曾为讽刺当时天津警察“贱”遇到麻烦。

篇4：怎么用英语自我介绍？

Hello,everyone.My name is isly(你的名字),I'm 18(你的年纪) years old.I study in youtheme.cn(你的学校名) Primary School.I'm in Grade 3(你的年级) Class 5(你的班级). I'm going to be a junior high school student, i feel very happy.

I like football and English very much,and i often play football with my classmates after schoo.(这段可以改成你喜欢的东西)My English teacher is ***(你英语老师的名字),she/he(女的选she，男的选he) is very nice to us,I like her/him(女的选her，男的选him) a lot.

There are three members in my family:my father,my mother and I.Both of parents love me and I love them too.

That's all,thank you!

篇5：求职用自我介绍

1.大致背景介绍及目前状况

类似于“我叫xxx，xxx大学xxx专业研究生在读，本科毕业于xxxx。目前我在xxx组织担任xxx职位，在xxx公司兼任xxx职位……“的大致介绍。

2.职位相关经验介绍

举出几个与你面试职位相关的(工作/实习)经历。不要只罗列，要用具体事例告诉面试官你做到了什么，学到了什么，达成了什么。不要说“我表达能力好”和“我勤奋肯干”，要说“我被破例允许以实习生的身份在每天的晨会上做宏观经济简报”和“在主动完成分配的工作之余，我还在实习的两个月内先后帮助同事完成了xx，xx和xx三个项目/报告”。

跟你面试职位联系紧密的经历优先，其他工作经历的依相关度的递减而优先度递减。比如你要去面投行，之前金融相关的经历肯定要优先考虑，营销方面的经验次之。当然由于很多技巧是可转移(Transferable Skills) 的(比如注重细节，工作负责，主动创新等)，所以如果语言组织的好，不那么相关的工作经历也可以很好地让面试官看出他希望从你身上看到的能力。

例：

“我去年夏天在北京xxxx资本市场部实习。实习期间我负责xxx，xxx，xxxx……(简单介绍做过什么)在参与编写只面向重要客户及公司内部的信用债周报中的“新发债推荐”部分时，我通过为投资者简单介绍新发债公司的发债历史，信用情况以及发展前景来为债券作出评估，期间我会通过对公司财务报表分析以简单评估其盈利能力，偿债能力以及现金流“(表现了你的写作能力，分析能力，信息搜集能力，信息整合能力以及财务专业知识过关。而且”重要客户及公司内部“说明你的能力在这种重要任务上足以被信任。)

3.个人其他值得一提的经历

与工作无关，但是能够给面试官留下深刻印象的个人经历。比如曾经骑行西藏，去非洲做过义工，做过TED speaker等等。终极目的是让面试官从感情上产生 “我愿意和这样的人共事”的想法。

对于面试标准，有这么一个所谓的“候机法则”(我忘了是不是这个名字)，意为面试官通过面试要选出一个他愿意与之等一个小时飞机的人。也就是说你要有趣不无聊，让人乐意跟你一起呆至少一个小时。从这个角度看，回答中的第三部分其实是很重要的，这一部分如果答的好，能够成功建立起与面试官的认同感联系(rapport)，并且塑造自己的个人形象并唤起面试官对你个人的兴趣。

如果专业水平过关，那么面试人主要拼的就是这一部分了——是不是招人待见。虽然你会在接下来的整个面试来讨面试官的喜欢，但是在这里开个好头似乎也不是什么坏事。

补充1.

不仅对于这个问题，对于所有的面试问题都请注意“不要只罗列”，要用事例去证明自己(tell a story)。请确定你的每一个”论点“都有”论据“支撑.(你说你xxx，你怎么xxx了?你说你能帮我实现xxx，哪看出来的?)

我曾经在求职节目非你莫属里见过几个哥们上去给自己一通吹，听着干过的事儿都很牛逼，评委一问细节，结果可想而知。一定要避免这种情况，减分会很严重。

补充2：

一般来说这个问题应该在1分钟到1分半钟之内回答完。

附：20条面试漂亮回答

1、请你自我介绍一下自己好吗?

回答提示：一般人回答这个问题过于平常，只说姓名、年龄、爱好、工作经验，这些在简历上都有。其实，企业最希望知道的是求职者能否胜任工作，包括：最强的技能、最深入研究的知识领域、个性中最积极的部分、做过的最成功的事，主要的成就等，这些都可以和学习无关，也可以和学习有关，但要突出积极的个性和做事的能力，说得合情合理企业才会相信。企业很重视一个人的礼貌，求职者要尊重考官，在回答每个问题之后都说一句“谢谢”，企业喜欢有礼貌的求职者。

2、你觉得你个性上最大的优点是什么?

回答提示：沉着冷静、条理清楚、立场坚定、顽强向上、乐于助人和关心他人、适应能力和幽默感、乐观和友爱。我在北大青鸟经过一到两年的培训及项目实战，加上实习工作，使我适合这份工作。

3、说说你最大的缺点?

回答提示：这个问题企业问的概率很大，通常不希望听到直接回答的缺点是什么等，如果求职者说自己小心眼、爱忌妒人、非常懒、脾气大、工作效率低，企业肯定不会录用你。绝对不要自作聪明地回答“我最大的缺点是过于追求完美”，有的人以为这样回答会显得自己比较出色，但事实上，他已经岌岌可危了。企业喜欢求职者从自己的优点说起，中间加一些小缺点，最后再把问题转回到优点上，突出优点的部分，企业喜欢聪明的求职者。

4、你对薪资的要求?

回答提示：如果你对薪酬的要求太低，那显然贬低自己的能力;如果你对薪酬的要求太高，那又会显得你分量过重，公司受用不起。一些雇主通常都事先对求聘的职位定下开支预算，因而他们第一次提出的价钱往往是他们所能给予的最高价钱，他们问你只不过想证实一下这笔钱是否足以引起你对该工作的兴趣。

回答样本一：我对工资没有硬性要求，我相信贵公司在处理我的问题上会友善合理。我注重的是找对工作机会，所以只要条件公平，我则不会计较太多。

回答样本二：我受过系统的'软件编程的训练，不需要进行大量的培训，而且我本人也对编程特别感兴趣。因此，我希望公司能根据我的情况和市场标准的水平，给我合理的薪水。

回答样本三：如果你必须自己说出具体数目，请不要说一个宽泛的范围，那样你将只能得到最低限度的数字。最好给出一个具体的数字，这样表明你已经对当今的人才市场作了调查，知道像自己这样学历的雇员有什么样的价值。

篇6：用英语自我介绍

Good morning !

It is really my honor to have this opportunity for an interview,

I hope i can make a good performance today. I'm confident that I can succeed.

Now i will introduce myself briefly

I am 26 years old,born in shandong province .

I was graduated from qingdao university. my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of .

I spend most of my time on study,i have passed CET4/6 . and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time.

In July 2003, I began work for a small private company as a technical support engineer in QingDao city.Because I'm capable of more responsibilities, so I decided to change my job.

And in August ,I left QingDao to BeiJing and worked for a foreign enterprise as a automation software test engineer.Because I want to change my working environment, I'd like to find a job which is more challenging. Morover Motorola is a global company, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of company ennvironment. That is the reason why I come here to compete for this position.

I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure.

That’s all. Thank you for giving me the chance.

自我介绍(self-introduction)

1.Good morning. I am glad to be here for this interview. First let me introduce myself. My name is ***, 24. I come from ******,the capital of *******Province. I graduated from the ******* department of *****University in July ,.In the past two years I have been preparing for the postgraduate examination while I have been teaching *****in NO.****middle School and I was a head-teacher of a class in junior grade two.Now all my hard work has got a result since I have a chance to be interview by you . I am open-minded ,quick in thought and very fond of history.In my spare time,I have broad interests like many other youngsters.I like reading books, especially those about *******.Frequently I exchange with other people by making comments in the forum on line.In addition ,during my college years,I was once a Net-bar technician.So, I have a comparatively good command of network application.I am able to operate the computer well.I am skillful in searching for information in Internet.I am a football fan for years.Italian team is my favorite.Anyway,I feel great pity for our country’s team. I always believe that one will easily lag behind unless he keeps on learning .Of course, if I am given a chance to study ****** in this famous University,I will stare no effort to master a good command of advance ******.

2.Good afternoon .I am of great hornor to stand here and introduce myself to you .First of all ,my english name is ...and my chinese name is ..If you are going to have a job interview ,you must say much things which can show your willness to this job ,such as ,it is my long cherished dream to be ...and I am eager to get an opportunity to do...and then give some examples which can give evidence to .then you can say something about your hobbies .and it is best that the hobbies have something to do with the job.

What is more important is do not forget to communicate with the interviewee,keeping a smile and keeping your talks interesting and funny can contribute to the success.

I hope you will give them a wonderful speech .Good luck to you !

3.good morning, my name is jack, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventually enroll in this prestigious university in september. now i will introduce myself briefly,i am 21 years old,born in heilongjiang province ,northeast of china,and i am curruently a senior student at beijing XX uni.my major is packaging engineering.and i will receive my bachelor degree after my graduation in june.in the past 4 years,i spend most of my time on study,i have passed CET4/6 with an ease. and i have acquired basic knowledge of packaging and publishing both in theory and in practice. besides, i have attend several packaging exhibition hold in Beijing, this is our advantage study here, i have taken a tour to some big factory and company. through these i have a deeply understanding of domestic packaging industry. compared to developed countries such as us, unfortunately, although we have made extraordinary progress since 1978,our packaging industry are still underdeveloped, mess, unstable, the situation of employees in this field are awkard. but i have full confidence in a bright future if only our economy can keep the growth pace still. i guess you maybe interested in the reason itch to law, and what is my plan during graduate study life, i would like to tell you that pursue law is one of my lifelong goal,i like my major packaging and i won't give up,if i can pursue my master degree here i will combine law with my former education. i will work hard in thesefields ,patent ,trademark, copyright, on the base of my years study in department of p&p, my character? i cannot describe it well, but i know i am optimistic and confident. sometimes i prefer to stay alone, reading, listening to music, but i am not lonely, i like to chat with my classmates, almost talk everything ,my favorite pastime is valleyball,playing cards or surf online. through college life,i learn how to balance between study and entertainment. by the way, i was a actor of our amazing drama club. i had a few glorious memory on stage. that is my pride.

3. What is your greatest strength?(你最突出的优点是什么?)

这是很多面试考官喜欢问的一个问题，这是你展示自己的最佳机会，不要吹嘘自己或过于自负，但要让雇主知道你相信自己，你知道自己的优点。如可答：“我认为我最大的优点是能够执着地尽力把事情办好。当做完一件工作而其成果又正合我的预想时，我会有一种真正的成就感。我给自己定了一些高目标。比如说，我要成为出色的毕业生。尽管在大学一年级时我启动慢了些，但最终我以优等论文完成了学业。”

I feel that my strongest asset is my ability to stick to things to get them done. I feel a real sense of accomplishment when I finish a job and it turns out just as I’d planned. I’ve set some high goals for myself. For example, I want to graduate with highest distinction. And even though I had a slow start in my freshman year, I made up for it by doing an honor’s thesis.

4. What is your greatest weakness?(你最大的弱点是什么?)

你不应该说你没有任何弱点，以此来回避这个问题。每个人都有弱点，最佳策略是承认你的弱点，但同时表明你在予以改进，并有克服弱点的计划。可能的话，你可说出一项可能会给公司带来好处的弱点，如可说：“我是一个完美主义者。工作做得不漂亮，我是不会撒手的。”

I'm such a perfectionist that I will not stop until a job is well done.

英语面试实战指南

I：Interviewer(面试者)A：Applicant(求职者)

介绍教育背景：简明扼要，实话实说

尽管你在简历中对自己的教育背景作了介绍，但在面试时，面试官还有可能就此方面提问。还是事先做点准备吧。

①I?what is your major?

A?My major is Business Administration. I am especially interested in〃Marketing〃.

(不仅回答了问题，还顺带一句介绍了自己较为感兴趣的方面，简明扼要。)

②I?Which university are you attending?

A?I am attending×××University.

③I?Have you received any degrees?

A?Yes. First?I received my Bachelor degree in English Literature?and then an MBA degree.

④I?What course did you like best?

A?Project Management. I was very interested in this course when I was a student. And I think it’s very useful for my present work.

⑤I?Do you feel that you have received a good general training?

A?Yes?I have studied in an English train-ing program and a computer training program since I graduated from university. I am currently studying Finance at a training school. 介绍工

[用英语自我介绍]

篇7：用英语自我介绍

用英语自我介绍

pesonel statement(introduction)

good morning,my dear teachers,my dear professors.i am very glad to be here for your interview.my name is song yonghao,i am 22 years old .i come from luoyang,a very beautiful aicent city.my undergratuade period will be accomplished in chang'an university in july ,2004;and now,i am trying my best for obtaining a key to tongji university.

generally speaking ,i am a hard working student especially do the thing i am interested in. i will try my best to finish it no matter how difficult it is. when i was sophomore, i found web design very interesting, so i learned it very hard . to weaver a homepage for myself, i stayed with my pesonel computer for half a month.,and i am the first one in my class who own his homepage. forthermore,i am a person with great perserverence. during the days preparing for the first examination,i insist on running every day, no matter what the weather was like.and just owning to this,i could concentrate on my study and succeeded in the end.

well ,in my spare time ,i like basketball, tennis and chinese chess. also english is my favorate.i often go to english corner to practise my oral english on every thursday,and write compositions to improve my witten ability .but i know my english is not good enough ,i will continue studying.

ok, that is all,thank you for your attention.

my hometown------luoyang

i am from luoyang,a beautiful city in henan province. it is famous as the capital of nine dynasties and enjoy yhe honer that luoyang peony is the best in the world.

luoyang played a very important role in chinese history. so it has a profound cultural background and many great heritagesites have been well reverved. such as longmen grotto, one of the three grottoes in china ang white horse temple, being regarded as the cradle of chnese buddhism.

luoyang peony is world-famous. every year, many tourists travel to luoyang to see the beauty of peony .the people in my hometown are friendly, they welcome the travellers from all over the world.

i like my hometown very much.

篇8：用英文自我介绍

英文自我介绍范文一：

hello， everybody。

i am ning cai chen from beijing， i am working for an agent for a electric company in beijing。

it is about five months since i came to the united states， and i miss my family very much。

it'll be several months before they come here， and i hope to continue to have an enjoyable single life till then。

thanks。

英文自我介绍范文二：

good afternoon and nice to see u at this sunny afternoon。

i am very glad to be here for interview。

my name is yyx 。

i come from dlufl and my major is english special lised in business。

computer， books， films and climbing moutains are my favourite。

i have been a class president for nearly 4 years， and i also have been an interpreter at dalian garment fair for twice。

i think all these exprience and my responsibility， creating thinking and passion would make me qualify for this job。

and what's more， my laptop computer is hp， so i have a better way to recgonize hp。

i believe that it would be a challenge and a chance for me to be a hp man。

that's all ，thank u so much!

篇9：自我介绍用英语

【1】

Hello! My name is Chen Danqing. My English name is Joy. I'm 14 years old. I'm a happy girl. I have a happy family. My father and my mother are both office workers. They're busy. But at weekends, they always cook nice food for me. I'm happy in the family. I love my parents and they love me very much.

I'm a student at Dongzhou Middle School. It is very big and beautiful. There are many classroom buildings and office buildings. Besides the buildings, there is a big playground. After school, there are lots of boys playing basketball on it. I think they are happy. There are a lot of flowers and trees in my school. They are beautiful. I like my school. In my school, I have many friends. All my friends are polite and helpful. My friends are all nice to me. They can make me happy. So I like playing with them.

My hobbies are listening to music and reading. I like pop music very much. I dislike sports because I'm not strong. It's hard for me.

I have a happy family, a beautiful school and many nice friends. I enjoy every day.

【2】

Hello, My mame is Ada. I am 11 years old. I am a quiet girl. I study in Lin Pu No.1 Primary School. My favourite food is ice cream. It’s sour. My favourite teacher is art teacher. My favourite class is art class. My favourite animal is squirrels. My favourite drink is juice. My favourite fruit is strawberries, because it’s sour.I am helpful at home. I can sweep the floor, cook the meals, clean the bedroom, water the flowers, empty the trash, set the table, make the bed, do the dishes, wash the clothes and put away the clothes.

Can you be my friend ?

【3】

My hobbies are listening to music and reading. I like pop music very much. I dislike sports because I'm not strong. It's hard for me.

I have a happy family, a beautiful school and many nice friends. I enjoy every day.

【4】

Good morning !

It is really my honor to have this opportunity for a interview,

I hope i can make a good performance today. I'm confident that I can succeed.

Now i will introduce myself briefly

I am 26 years old,born in shandong province .

I was graduated from qingdao university. my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of .

I spend most of my time on study,i have passed CET4/6 . and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time.

In July 2003, I begin work for a small private company as a technical support engineer in QingDao city.Because I'm capable of more responsibilities, so I decided to change my job.

I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure.

篇10：自我介绍用ppt

我叫孙志伟，系青岛XX大学农学与植物保护学院农学专业应届毕业生，如今即将走向社会，非常渴望得到用武之地，故怀着一颗热忱的心，诚挚地向您毛遂自荐!

我主修专业是农学，目前，全部课程业已完成，且成绩优秀。

作为一名农学专业的学生，我热爱我的专业并为其投入了巨大的热情和精力。

在四年的学习生活中，我所学习的内容包括了从农学的基础理论知识到运用等许多方面，通过对这些理论知识的学习和亲自动手实验操作，我对这一领域的相关知识有了一定程度的理解和掌握。

此专业的特点是实用与技术性很强一门课程，因此，个人的专业能力是最重要的，在参与课程同步进行的各种相关实验和实习中，具有了一定的实际操作能力和技术。

在大学期间，我多次获得专业与其他奖学金和多类优秀证书。

我多次担任主要学生干部，具有较强的语言表达、组织和协调能力。

在刻苦学习专业知识的同时英语方面也有较强的口头表达与文字翻译能力。

强烈的事业心、责任感和团队精神使我能够面对任何困难和挑战。

我知道社会的竞争是激烈的，走向社会，必须务实且理智。

所以我不求流光溢彩，但希望能在适合自己的位置上发挥得淋漓尽致;不奢求拥有特别丰富的物质待遇，只希望早日用我的全部智慧、热忱和努力最大限度的实现我的社会价值和人生价值。

作为刚踏入社会的大学生，我谈不上十分的成熟，我知道自己所缺乏的是经验，但我认为，信心是首要的，我有着很强的拼博意识和不断进步的潜力。

经验来自于实践，我相信只要我认真实践，就能在未来的工作岗位上勇创佳绩。

君子以诚相交。

我相信在社会主义市场经济的汪洋大海中，在贵单位未来发展壮大的征途中，您一定需要具有蓬勃朝气的年轻力量。

所以，我在此冒昧自荐，恳请您尝试给我一个机会，让我充分发挥自己的聪明才智，为您尽一份绵薄之力。

篇11：用英语口语自我介绍

自我介绍(self-introduce)

Good morning。 I am glad to be here for this interview。

First let me introduce myself。 My name is ***， 24。

I come from ******，the capital of *******Province。 I graduated from the ****** department of *****University in July ，20XX。

In the past two years I have been prepareing for the postgraduate examination while I have been teaching *****in NO。****middle School and I was a head-teacher of a class in junior grade two。Now all my hard work has got a result since I have a chance to be interview by you。

I am open-minded ，quick in thought and very fond of history。In my spare time，I have broad interests like many other youngers。I like reading books， especially those about ****。

Frequently I exchange with other people by making comments in the forum on line。In addition ，during my college years，I was once a Net-bar technician。

So， I have a comparative good command of network application。I am able to operate the computer well。I am skillful in searching for information in Internet。

I am a football fan for years。Italian team is my favorite。Anyway，I feel great pity for our country’s team。

I always believe that one will easily lag behind unless he keeps on learning 。

Of course， if I am given a chance to study ****** in this famous University，I will spare no effort to master a good command of advance ******。

篇12：用英文自我介绍

用英文自我介绍范例

自我介绍(self-introduction)

Good morning !

It is really my honor to have this opportunity for an interview, I hope i can make a good performance today. I'm confident that I can succeed. Now i will introduce myself briefly I am 26 years old,born in shandong province . I was graduated from qingdao university. my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of . I spend most of my time on study,i have passed CET4/6 . and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time. In July 2003, I began work for a small private company as a technical support engineer in QingDao city.Because I'm capable of more responsibilities, so I decided to change my job. And in August ,I left QingDao to BeiJing and worked for a foreign enterprise as a automation software test engineer.Because I want to change my working environment, I'd like to find a job which is more challenging. Morover Motorola is a global company, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of company ennvironment. That is the reason why I come here to compete for this position. I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure. That’s all. Thank you for giving me the chance.

自我介绍(self-introduction)

.Good morning. I am glad to be here for this interview. First let me introduce myself. My name is ***, 24. I come from ******,the capital of *******Province. I graduated from the ******* department of *****University in July ,.In the past two years I have been preparing for the postgraduate examination while I have been teaching *****in NO.****middle School and I was a head-teacher of a class in junior grade two.Now all my hard work has got a result since I have a chance to be interview by you . I am open-minded ,quick in thought and very fond of history.In my spare time,I have broad interests like many other youngsters.I like reading books, especially those about *******.Frequently I exchange with other people by making comments in the forum on line.In addition ,during my college years,I was once a Net-bar technician.So, I have a comparatively good command of network application.I am able to operate the computer well.I am skillful in searching for information in Internet.I am a football fan for years.Italian team is my favorite.Anyway,I feel great pity for our country’s team. I always believe that one will easily lag behind unless he keeps on learning .Of course, if I am given a chance to study ****** in this famous University,I will stare no effort to master a good command of advance ******.

自我介绍(self-introduction)

Good afternoon .I am of great hornor to stand here and introduce myself to you .First of all ,my english name is ...and my chinese name is ..If you are going to have a job interview ,you must say much things which can show your willness to this job ,such as ,it is my long cherished dream to be ...and I am eager to get an opportunity to do...and then give some examples which can give evidence to .then you can say something about your hobbies .and it is best that the hobbies have something to do with the job. What is more important is do not forget to communicate with the interviewee,keeping a smile and keeping your talks interesting and funny can contribute to the success. I hope you will give them a wonderful speech .Good luck to you ! 3.good morning, my name is jack, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventually enroll in this prestigious university in september. now i will introduce myself briefly,i am 21 years old,born in heilongjiang province ,northeast of china,and i am curruently a senior student at beijing XX uni.my major is packaging engineering.and i will receive my bachelor degree after my graduation in june.in the past 4 years,i spend most of my time on study,i have passed CET4/6 with an ease. and i have acquired basic knowledge of packaging and publishing both in theory and in practice. besides, i have attend several packaging exhibition hold in Beijing, this is our advantage study here, i have taken a tour to some big factory and company. through these i have a deeply understanding of domestic packaging industry. compared to developed countries such as us, unfortunately, although we have made extraordinary progress since 1978,our packaging industry are still underdeveloped, mess, unstable, the situation of employees in this field are awkard. but i have full confidence in a bright future if only our economy can keep the growth pace still. i guess you maybe interested in the reason itch to law, and what is my plan during graduate study life, i would like to tell you that pursue law is one of my lifelong goal,i like my major packaging and i won't give up,if i can pursue my master degree here i will combine law with my former education. i will work hard in thesefields ,patent ,trademark, copyright, on the base of my years study in department of p&p, my character? i cannot describe it well, but i know i am optimistic and confident. sometimes i prefer to stay alone, reading, listening to music, but i am not lonely, i like to chat with my classmates, almost talk everything ,my favorite pastime is valleyball,playing cards or surf online. through college life,i learn how to balance between study and entertainment. by the way, i was a actor of our amazing drama club. i had a few glorious memory on stage. that is my pride.

篇13：用英文自我介绍

面试或者与陌生人初次见面的时候，大家都会做自我介绍，如果你还是只会“I'm very nice and kind ”或者“i'm a good-looking guy”的话，感觉就有点low了。

以下10个句子可以帮助你更好地在面试中做自我介绍。

“I am someone who…”:

“我是一个......”

这是一个很好的起头方式，后面可以把你很多的优点串起来~

1. “can adapt to any situation. I thrive in a fluctuating environment and I transform unexpected obstacles into stepping stones for achievements.”

1. “可以适应任何环境的人。我可以在变化不定的环境中茁壮成长，并且把那些意外的障碍变为成功的基石。”

2. “consistently innovates to create value. I find opportunities where other people see none: I turn ideas into projects, and projects into serial success.”

2. “有创新能力的人。我可以在别人不在意的地方发现价值：我可以把想法转化成项目，把项目转化成一连串的成功。”

3. “leads people. I can unite people around a vision and motivate a team to excellence. I expect no more from the others than what I expect from myself.”

3. “有领导能力的人。我可以让人们为了一个共同的目标而奋斗，并且激励一个团队取得成功。我对自己的要求比对别人更严格。”

4. “always has an eye on my target. I endeavour to deliver high-quality work on time, every time. Hiring me is the only real guarantee for results.”

4. “专注于目标的人。每一次我都会及时地提供高质量的服务。雇佣我，你绝对不会后悔的。”

5. “knows this job inside and out. With many years of relevant experience, there is no question whether I will be efficient on the job. I can bring the best practices to the company.”

5. “充分了解这份工作的人。拥有多年相关工作经验的我，毫无疑问将能胜任这份工作。我能为公司带来最好的效益。”

6. “has a high level of motivation to work here. I have studied the entire company history and observed its business strategies. Since I am also a long-time customer, I took the opportunity to write this report with some suggestions for how to improve your services.”

6. “有很强动机在这儿工作的人。我认真研究过公司整个的发展历程，以及商业策略。由于我也是贵公司的忠实顾客，所以我做了这份报告，以期为提高公司的服务做出一份贡献。”

7. “has a pragmatic approach to things. I don’t waste time talking about theory or the latest buzz words of the bullshit bingo. Only one question matters to me: ‘Does it work or not?’”

7. “能实际解决问题的人。我不会花时间空谈理论或者讲些时髦的话。只有一件事情让我关心：‘这可行吗?’”

8. “takes work ethics very seriously. I do what I am paid for, and I do it well.”

8. “非常注重职业操守的人。我做雇主付钱让我做的事，并且做到最好。”

9. “can make decisions rapidly if needed. Everybody can make good decisions with sufficient time and information. The reality of our domain is different. Even with time pressure and high stakes, we need to move forward by taking charge and being decisive. I can do that.”

9. “在需要的情况下，可以快速做决定的人。在给予充分的时间和信息的情况下，每个人都能做出好的决定。但现实世界却不是如此。即使是有压力和风险，我们也必须小心地权衡，做出向前的决定。我能做到。”

10. “is considered to be ‘fun.’ I believe that we are way more productive when we are working with people with which we enjoy spending time. When the situation gets tough with a customer, a touch of humour can save the day.”

10. “一个有趣的人。我相信和喜欢的人一起工作，我们会更有效率。当我们跟顾客有摩擦的时候，幽默感或许能够起到作用，挽救可能会变糟糕的一天。”

篇14：用英文自我介绍

Good morning !

It is really my honor to have this opportunity for an interview,

I hope i can make a good performance today. I'm confident that I can succeed.

Now i will introduce myself briefly

I am 26 years old,born in shandong province .

I was graduated from qingdao university. my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of 20**.

I spend most of my time on study,i have passed CET4/6 . and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time.

In July 20**, I began work for a small private company as a technical support engineer in QingDao city.Because I'm capable of more responsibilities, so I decided to change my job.

And in August 20**,I left QingDao to BeiJing and worked for a foreign enterprise as a automation software test engineer.()Because I want to change my working environment, I'd like to find a job which is more challenging. Morover Motorola is a global company, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of company ennvironment. That is the reason why I come here to compete for this position.

I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure.

That’s all. Thank you for giving me the chance.

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